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Monday, May 4thPlanning/Old-School Week! SO. This week's comics are going to be OLD-SCHOOL COMICS. That is, previous comics that I like, re-drawn so they don't look quite so crappy. There are two reasons for this, both of which are not amazing but will do I guess. The first is that I am gearing up a couple of other projects; a big animation and a small animation. They are a little bit brain-consuming right now and I don't have as much free time as I'd like, so I'm spending a couple of days thinking mostly about that. The other reason is that since I drew these comics the site has started showing up in places like Is It Funny Today, Reddit, Digg etc. And I'm pretty curious to see how they do out there! To make up for rerun week, Deed The Inky will be updated five times this week! Yay? Trust me, yay. Thursday, April 30th Programming HTML Until It Is 3:30am And You Are Blind. Also Charles Dickens! I made a few minor changes to the site today... I added a permalink for each comic to make them easier for people to grab, and most noticably I added buttons for all the big social-network-site thingies. I had a bit of internal debate about whether I should do that, because Deed The Inky has a long standing tradition of not being commercial at all. That means no advertising, anywhere. But I figured there's nothing wrong with giving a shout out to a site that you actually use, and no-one's paying me to do it so I think I'm in the clear. Plus there's a guy on Reddit called "Quasiperiodic" who awesomely adds Deed The Inky on there every now and again, so this should make life easier for him! Or her! IN OTHER NEWS, you know that Tinyurl site, that replaces your URL with a much easier one? Someone has created a similar site, only a thousand times better because it replaces your URL with a line from Charles Dickens! I signed up for it right away, and I think I got a good one! So in the future, if you want to read Deed The Inky and you are in the mood to talk like a Victorian gentleman, you can type http://dickensurl.com/4303/Old_Marley_was_as_dead_as_a_doornail! Tuesday, April 21st A Sassy Endeavour. So you may have noticed on today's cartoon that the text looks a little bit different, if you are the sort of person who notices these things. That is because I just got my handwriting made into a font. I used YourFonts, and it was super easy and just all-round awesome. The main reason I did this was not so much out of laziness, but saving time. Even though it might not look like it, each one of these cartoons takes about 2-3 hours to draw and colour. And about two-thirds of that is taken up with writing out all the lettering by hand. It turns out that it's actually quite difficult to write legibly on a Wacom tablet, 'cause you're not really looking at where the pen is making contact. I am sure it would be easier on a Cintiq, but unless someone likes Deed The Inky enough to spend $2000 at the Wacom store and send me one, this will have to do. I am going to throw my hat into the ring right now, and predict that this will not happen. :) Thursday, March 26th Adventures In Writing A Screed. So today's cartoon is a little bit heavier than the recent "dinosaur fashion model" fare, but this is something I kind of feel strongly about. Some of the more political cartoons can inspire some debate, so I want to just cover a couple of points before anyone starts accusing me of anything... I am not against the whole message of the recent U.N. Bill against defamation of religion. Obviously I don't think religious hatred is a good thing. But I do have a very big problem with the particular passage quoted in the cartoon (completely verbatim from the text of the resolution itself, by the way. Warning, PDF link) To illustrate... 10. Emphasizes that, as stipulated in international human rights law, including articles 19 and 29 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and articles 19 and 20 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, everyone has the right to hold opinions without interference and the right to freedom of expression, the exercise of which carries with it special duties and responsibilities and may therefore be subject to limitations only as provided for by law and are necessary for respect of the rights or reputations of others, protection of national security or of public order, public health or morals and general welfare; Now, maybe I am reading that incorrectly, but it seems a lot to me as if the U.N. Is suggesting that freedom of expression is "subject to limitations" in order to protect, among other things, "the reputation of others", "public order" and "public morals." There is no mention of religion in this passage. But here is my point in a nutshell; freedom of expression should have no limits under any circumstances ever. That includes everybody, in any situation. Even for things we find abhorrent. I recently posted a little rant about how much I hate Fred Phelps. There is nothing I would like more than to see his brand of racist, homophobic bullshit vanish from the public consciousness forever, but does he have the right to say those things? Absolutely. Just as I have the right to call him on it and make a website that calls him a dick. And here is the problem with targeting religious defamation specifically: pretty much everyone is religious. In the above paragraph, I just called the teachings of the entire Westboro Baptist Church "racist, homophobic bullshit." That is definitely defamation of a religion. So this site should probably be shut down. Except that last night an angel came to me in a vision and said that my website was holy, and I started the Church of Mark. So you'd better not say anything bad about me, cause freedom of expression doesn't extend that far, heathens. This, of course, is an insanely childish way to illustrate my point, but the fact remains that anyone can claim to be religious and use it to their advantage. It's completely intangible. But at least people couldn't possibly be petty enough to use legislation like that just to sass people who disagree with them, right? Oh wait, Freedom Fries. You can't legislate away intolerance, all you can do is set an example. Let the Gods avenge themselves. Thursday, March 26th Adventures In Lovemaking With Bill O'Reilly. So there are THREE blog entries today. Woo! I am now in the BLOGOSPHERE, well and truly. Incidentally I still think the word Blogosphere is a lame name for blogs. Just call them Blogs, man. NO WAIT, I would call it the Blogstacle Course. Solved. ANYWAY, this is just a companion note to yesterday's comic to let you now that Bill O'Reilly did indeed write a sexy novella, and also hilariously recorded the audiobook for it himself. If you want to listen to some tasty tidbits from that audiobook, look here. My personal favourite part is hearing Bill O'Reilly say "He kissed her inner thigh with his lips and tongue." Brilliantly, he also narrates the whole thing in the style of the O'Reilly Factor, which makes it sound like he's bellowing hideous eroticism at Cindy Sheehan. TEN STARS OUT OF FIVE. Thursday, March 26th Adventures In Registering Domain Names Out Of Indignation. So yesterday I was thinking about Fred Phelps, as I often do. I drew a cartoon about him recently that was kind of goofy, but I don't think it really conveyed the extent to which I hate him. There are only really a handful of people I truly have a hate on for; it basically just comes down to Fred Phelps and All Clowns. I do not use the word lightly. Do I think he would be as big a scourge to humanity as someone like Hitler or Saddam Hussein if he had the opportunity? Quite possibly. Can you condemn someone for something they might possibly do if they had the chance one day? Not at all. Do I live in a free country where I can say he's a total dick anyway? You betcha. So I was going to write a little note here about how much of a dick I think he is but that didn't seem like enough. So instead I set up a website: http://www.fredphelpsisadick.com/ to better advertise his dickishness. That should do it. Thursday, March 26th Deed The Inky vs. The Nigerian Scammers, Part Two. mrs.winniejeffries2005@yahoo.fr wrote: Dear Friend, my private E-mail// mrs.winniejeffries2009@gmail.com I am contacting you believing that you are a honest and trustworthy person. I believe you will not betray the confidence; I am willing to repose in you, for me to have contacted you even though we've not met before. I have decided to seek your help in carrying out my last wishes, My name is Mrs Winnie Jeffrries. I'm a 52 years old woman and my Country is Ouagadougou, I was the chairman of "Cocoa marchant farmers", based in the city of "Ouagadougou" the Republic of Burkina Faso, I was also married with two children. My husband was the director of Camela Vegetable Oil Company (CVO) before his death, with my two children were involved in a car accident on December 26th 2004, before this happened, my business and concern for making money was all I care for, I never really cared about other values in life. Since I was bereaved, I have found a new desire to assist helpless families, I have been helping orphans in orphanage/motherless, I have also donated some money for humanitarian needs, only recently I saw on television the colossal loss of properties and livelihood people in Canberra, Australia through fire. I was moved with great pity and compassion that I decided to make this contribution on assisting people over there or any part of the world like Asia/ Europe and America that might still need any financial help, I have kept (US$9.300 Million) Nine Million Three Hundred Thousand United States Dollars in a long-term deposit in bank. Presently, I'm in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for Oesophagi Cancer at Memorial Hospital. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few weeks to live, It is my last wish to see this money distributed to victims of the fire outbreak in Australia and other charity organization in the World like I said, I have enclosed for you the Current Photograph I took below Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them. Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit with the help of my Lawyer and distribute it accordingly Use your judgment to distribute the money and keep 30% of it to yourself. Feel free to re-imbrues yourself when you have the money for any expenses you made during the process of collecting/claiming the Funds on my behalf. Please If you are willing to help, please reply as soon as possible, Again I will allow you to communicate with the bank were the fund is directly upon the receipt of your reply because I want this project to be completed by next month before I die according to the Doctor. And also attach to me in your return mail your personal details for familiarity, May the good lord bless you. 1. Your Full Names 2. Your Age/ Sex 3. Your Marital Status 4. Your Occupation 5. Your Mobile Numbers/Fax 6. Your International Passport/Working ID/Driving Lincence. I am waiting for your response. My private E-mail// mrs.winniejeffries2007@gmail.com Yours faithfully, Mrs Winnie Jeffries. mark@deedtheinky.com wrote: How fortunate I was to receive this e-mail in such an intense hour of need. I am a high ranking government official in the United States who is working on a secret project. Federal funding has been removed from the project partly due to the economic collapse, and also because congress has declared the project would be a war crime. I assured them that the weapon I am designing would only be used against the Republic of Burkina Faso, with whom we are not at war, so technically it would not be a war crime. They responded that it would start a war, and the second time I used it would be a war crime. Their condition to fund the weapon project as long as I didn't use it a second time was unacceptable, and so we have reached an empasse. Disclosing that much information about Project Nemesis has made me culpable for almost a dozen felonies, so I will get back to my original point. The project requires precisely $9.3 million US to purchase a lens capable of focusing a four billion watt laser array from a distance of twenty miles above the Earth. I was beginning to despair that I would never be able to raise that much money without selling 2% of my Halliburton shares, and then I was fortunate enough to receive your generous offer. I appreciate that your original offer was only for 30% of the total amount, but trust me, if I keep the full amount I will be able to end the suffering of millions. Here is my contact information as requested... 1. Richard Bruce Cheney 2. 68/Male 3. Married 4. Private Sector 5. (202) 456-1414 6. I have no passport, and my driving license was revoked due to numerous DUIs. Please send the the money as soon as possible, or you will receive an unimaginable retribution. www.whitehouse.gov mrs.winniejeffries2005@yahoo.fr wrote: My Dear, Thanks for your response to my letter, I appreciate your willingness and kind gesture to assist in claiming this funds and using it as I have stated in my first proposed letter to you. I want you to understand that I am here to direct you until you receive the fund into your account, I will help you to pay any fees maybe involve for the transferring of the fund, since I am still a live. As a matter of fact, my health is continuously going down everyday and I have placed my life in the hands of God almighty to take care of me. However, I would request you to contact my Attorney in whom I have built so much trust and faith to work out these modalities with you. He will assist you and he will stand to represent your interest with the Bank since you are the new beneficiary incase if you are unable to fly down here in Burkina Faso West Africa to handle this transaction by yourself. Please contact my Attorney with the below information and let every of your correspondence go through him, and donacal alct fail to update me. Name: Barr. Oxford Bello Email: (barrister.oxford@yahoo.fr) Phone: 00226 76 41 10 13 Please send me all the information below the lawyer will use it and go to the ministry involved to get the certificate of claim on your behalf, so that you will use it and contact the bank for the transferring of the said fund. Please after my lawyer has got the certificate and he will send it to you immediately. Then every of your correspondence will be going through him as your representative here in Burkina Faso and donforget to update me. 1, your full name :------------------------------------ 2, Bank Name :--------------------------------------- 3, Account Number:------------------------------------ 4, Swift Code :---------------------------------------- 5, Date Of Birthday :----------------------------------- 6 Country:-------------------------------------------- He will guide you accordingly and please bear in mind that his words are my words, and you have to Co-operate with him. I will advise him to release all the necessary documents which you will use and contact the bank as the real beneficiary of the said fund. I hope I have made myself clear to you. Finally, I want you to bear in mind that this project is not a do or die affair. I make this decision because of my condition and the problem am facing in my late husband's family. I have use part of the fund which my late husband deposited in his own country to build an Orphanage house in Africa and I want to see who can help me in any country and build another in my name. Contact my attorney now and donaca‚ a„ct fail to update me. Thanks and God bless you and your family for your Willingness to help the needy. Mrs Winnie Jeffries mark@deedtheinky.com wrote: Ms. Jeffries, Thank you for your promptness in replying to me. I can assure you that from my side, the process of transferring the funds has already begun. As I mentioned previously, I am a fairly high-ranking government official, and as such I have excellent resources at my disposal. From the phone number you provided me with I have already procured your personal address, your bank information and the same details for your attorney. As we are all legitimate business people, I am sure you won't mind me taking these liberties as it will speed the process up greatly. Since I am able to go through much faster channels, I will simply be withdrawing the entire $9 million directly from your account myself. You should consider this a kindness, as the tax on a transfer of this amount would be in the region of 97%. Unfortunately, I am not able to travel to Burkina Faso myself for at least a week, but I am able to send one of my associates. He will arrive at your house tomorrow at 12:00 noon precisely. He will be caucasian, 6' 4", wearing a black suit and tie, white shirt and aviator sunglasses. For this purpose you may call him Gunther. When he arrives he will say the phrase "The Sun Never Sets On The Roman Empire" and you will respond "HAIL PROJECT NEMESIS." Be sure to say it as if you are talking in capital letters. Failure to respond exactly as instructed, or discovery that your bank account does not contain $9 million will result in dire consequences; Gunther has been instructed that in the case of failure on your part he is to eat all the food in your house and then to bad-mouth the entire Republic Of Burkina Faso on the official Republican Twitter Page. A similar situation occurred in Papua New Guinea in September, and national tourism dropped by 30%. The individual responsible was left hungry and ostracized by his community. But these are harsh words, and I know our relationship will be a friendly and fruitful one. Let me know when Gunther has visited, and I will provide you with instructions on how to escape Burkina Faso before Project Nemesis is active. You may have to abandon your possessions - forewarned is forearmed. Yours sincerely, Richard Cheney mrs.winniejeffries2005@yahoo.fr wrote: NO RESPONSE. ROUND TWO. dispatch@announcerone.biz wrote: HIANG AND ASSOCIATES SOLICITOR AND ADVOCATES NO. 24, JALAN MELAKA RAYA 31, TAMAN MELAKA RAYA MALAYSIA I am Barrister Bin Othman , Attorney at law. A deceased client of mine, that shares the same last name as yours, who died as the result of a heart-related condition in March 12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake I have contacted you to assist in distributing the money left behind by my client before it is confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this deposit valued at Eighteen Million dollars( US$18,000.000.00 million dollars) is lodged. This bank has issued me a notice to contact the next of kin, or the account will be confiscated. My proposition to you is to seek your consent to present you as the next-of-kin and beneficiary of my named client, since you have the same last name, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Then we can share the amount on a mutually agreed-upon percentage. All legal documents to back up your claim as my client's next-of-kin will be provided. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from many breach of the law. If this business proposition offends your moral values, do accept my apology. I must use this opportunity to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this matter extraordinary confidential, whatever your decision, while I await your prompt response. Please contact me at once to indicate your interest. I will like you to acknowledge the receipt of this e-mail as soon as possible via my private EMAIL: (barrbinothman@gmail.com) and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity. I look forward to your quick reply. Best Regards, Bin Othman Attorney At Law mark@deedtheinky.com wrote: Dear Mr. Othman bin, Happy day that you managed to find somebody with the same name as your client, and for such a sympathetic cause! I understand all too well the suffering of someone who got heart disease from the Sumatran tsunami; I myself am suffering from diabetes brought on by the explosion of the Challenger Space Shuttle. It is a constant drain on my friendly disposition. I am currently in negotiations to receive $9.8 Million from a lovely man in Burkina Faso, but I would be more than happy to also help you achieve your very selfless goals. I must have not been easy to find somebody with my name, so I applaud your efforts so far. Please mail a business-class plane ticket to Malaysia to the following address and we can proceed from there... Mephistopheles Cornucopia 110-48,629 James Franco Way Fort Lauderdale Florida, USA 68435 If this is unacceptable, my brother also goes by the same name as me. You can contact him via e-mail at email@/lieberman.senate.gov May the Lord keep your napkins crisply folded. -M. C. dispatch@announcerone.biz wrote: NO RESPONSE. Thursday, March 12th I Have Provoked The Wrath Of The Internet. So I drew yesterday's comic at 3am, and I noticed almost immediately this morning that I had spelled 'Atheist' incorrectly. People on the internet REALLY don't like it when you spell things wrong. Which seems odd, because they are on the internet. But anyway, consider this my official apology to the grammer police. That one was on purpose. Friday, February 26th Adventures In Being Slightly More Popular Than Usual. For some reason, yesterday's comic turned out to be insanely popular (well, compared to the usual Deed The Inky comic) - it made the front page of Digg (it has been Dugg 2,597 times at the time of writing this) and sparked a debate on Reddit about how crappy my drawing is. (By the way, xkcd is totally better drawn that Deed The Inky, it just has a simple style.) Anyway, thanks to everyone who Dugg us and Reddit-ed us and voted on Is It Funny Today. It's a great motivator to know that people are actually digging what you do...! Monday, February 9th Adventures In David Copperfield Might Be A Douchebag. So after I finished drawing today's comic I felt a slight pang of guilt for making a joke about David Copperfield's untimely demise. Then I got paranoid... what if the dude had died or got some horrible disease and I hadn't heard about it and I made a tasteless joke? Should I just change it to Criss Angel, who nobody cares about under any circumstances? I decided to check Copperfield's Wikipedia page just in case. This turned up the following pieces of information... - In 2006 he was mugged, but used magic to hide his valuables from his assailant. The two ladies he was with were not as magically skilled and lost all their stuff. - Also in 2006, Copperfield claimed to have found the fountain of youth on an island that he owns. - In 2007-2008 he was investigated by the FBI for sexual assault and bribery. So, what I came away from this experience with is that there is a very small, but very definite possibility that David Copperfield is an immortal sex offender who won't help you if you get mugged. I think karma will have my back on this one. Wednesday, January 14th Deed The Inky vs. The Nigerian Scammers. mrtankobama1960@Gazeta.pl wrote: Dear Friend, I am a financial consultant based in Cote d'Ivoire. I have a client (a widow) who has $18 million dollars with a private equity investment trust company for safe keeping only. She wishes to invest in a stable economy. Her interest is in companies with potentials for rapid growth in long terms. My client is interested in placing her fund in your company, if your country's bylaw allows foreign investment. I prefer you contact me for more details after reading this mail Yours faithfully, Mr. Tanko Bama NB: The fund is free from drug and laundering related offences mark@deedtheinky wrote: Dear Mr. Bama, Your message of June 5th was redirected to my office by Mr. Assward Bernstein, who, along with myself, looks after the personal interests of the popular musician Eric Clapton(tm), to whom your original message was addressed. Mister Clapton is very interested in obtaining $18 million dollars by any means necessary, but has had some misfortune in the past. Responding to an e-mail similar to yours in the summer of 2005 eventually cost him over two hundred thousand dollars and forced us to cancel a Cream reunion tour. Perhaps you heard about this in the news at the time? Anyway, as a gesture of goodwill, before proceeding Mister Clapton would like you to meet the following conditions... 1. Purchase a minimum of one hundred officially produced Eric Clapton(tm) albums on CD. 2. In a well-visited public area, attach the albums together so that they resemble the shape of a Large Man. 3. The man should be a minimum of 7 (seven) feet tall by 4 (four) feet wide, arms outstretched. 4. Photograph yourself next to this effigy giving a 'thumbs up' gesture (an example photo for your reference is attached to this e-mail) and return it to this e-mail address within 5 (five) working days. These demands should not be difficult for a resourceful man like yourself to meet. They may seem somewhat eccentric but it is the only way that Eric Clapton(tm) will willingly conduct business after the previous debacle. We look forward to your timely response. Yours sincerely, Robert Face CEO, The Eric Clapton(tm) Secret Laser Project Management Group Ltd. ATTACHED FILES: thumbs-up.jpg  mrtankobama1960@Gazeta.pl wrote: NO RESPONSE. ROUND TWO. faz8594@yahoo.com.hk wrote: Hello,I am Ms.Faizah Khairul-Azizi,I am the only surviving daugther of late Mr & Mrs Khairul-Azizi who lost their lives in the india disaster that occured recently in New Delhi bombings.I was contacted through a diplomatic firm that he deposited the sum of $11.4 Million Dollars in their custody.Please i need your assistance to claim and invest this fund into any viable venture in your country which you know that will yield us profit. For quick processing of this fund if you accept my offer, I will avail you a reputable Attorney information who will execute all procedures on our behalf,lf you will help me, i promise to offer you 25%. Please kindly send me your detail informations such as your full name,phone and fax number and your contact address,so that the processing of the claim can effectly be commenced by you with the aid of the attorney.And i am looking forward to your favourable reply.Sincerely,Ms.Faizah Khairul-Azizi mark@deedtheinky.com wrote: It is a great coincidence that you wrote to me! I think we are in a position to help each other out. I was recently a participant in a series of genetic tests carried out on an offshore research base near North Korea. These tests failed to cure my vertigo, but as an unexpected side-effect I can now spontaneously produce gold from my body. This actually turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing, because nobody will buy my gold, partly because it is apparently 'gross', but also for fear of destabilising the gold market. So I need cash. What I am willing to do is the following - if you are prepared to send me the $11.4 million in cash, I will in exchange send you $50 million of my own gold! This is a fantastic opportunity, I'm sure you will agree! You could almost triple your money! If you are interested, please e-mail me back and I will send you my address.. You will be required to send the money via Air Mail in a briefcase, along with a pair of pants. The gold production process tends to ruin a lot of pants. Yours Sincerely Midas Goldman faz8594@yahoo.com.hk wrote: Thanks for your reply and i hope to receive your full details informations as requested. Thanks and hurry up please with it.Can you travel to Europe and collect the money in person? Ms.Faizah. mark@deedtheinky.com wrote: Excellent! My full address is... 143 Goldway Crescent Goldsville, Goldtown Goldtopia USA It is not as nice as it sounds. Please mail me the $11 million dollars immediately, along with the pants. Please be aware, if you forget to include the pants you will forfeit the money. I am so sick of buying pants. Seriously. Seriously. Good luck my friend. Midas Goldman faz8594@yahoo.com.hk wrote: NO RESPONSE. Saturday, January 3rd Holy crap! If you head over to Is It Funny Today right now, the top three webcomics for the last 24 hours are xkcd, Dinosaur Comics and Deed The Inky! Thanks to everybody who voted for us, you guys are made of awesome. :O BONUS VANITY: I know it will be gone soon, so I grabbed a picture of it...  UPDATE: It is gone now, literally seconds after I posted this! Thursday, January 1st, 2009 Brand New Looking Website! So it's January first, the time of year when I traditionally get sick of how Deed The Inky looks and redesign the whole thing. This time I went pretty hard and added a whole assload of possibly useful things though! First up is the RSS feed which had actually been running for a couple of weeks already. If you want to get new Deed The Inky cartoons in your email or whatever RSS thinger you use, click on the little RSS icon in the address bar or use this link... http://www.deedtheinky.com/deedtheinky_rss.xml. NEXT is a button under the frame where you can look at some random cartoons from the archives. Turns out that is kind of a pain in the ass to implement on a website, but I did it anyway because I love. Uhm... what else? The cartoons are going to be bigger and widescreen-ier now. Also the store will be going very soon. I am hunting out printers, getting samples etc etc. Turns out that selling T-Shirts on the internets actually takes a bit of sorting out. Then last and possibly least there is the mobile site at m.deedtheinky.com where you can look at cartoons on your iPhones and whatnot. That last one might actually turn out to totally suck but I guess we'll see! Read older blog entries here for some reason. |
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